Sunday, February 7, 2010


I'm not sure what just happened, but my immediate reaction is that I am sad, feel rejected and unnecessary in my son's life. Okay that is a bit of an exaggeration but here's what went down:

These days, Ari (my son) has been sleeping in "my" bed with me. I've been feeling under the weather for the past day or so and Wilhelm (Ari's dad) has been taking care of him.

When I tried to snuggle with my child in the bed just now he FREAKED OUT and screamed:


He was screaming, crying, drooling and carrying on so much that I finally gave in and shouted:

With the same vehement force that he screamed "Daddy."

Wil opened the door, and I said, feeling rather defeated:

"He just wants you. There's NOTHING I can do."

I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. I still sort of do. This is not fair! I gave BIRTH to Ari for G-d sake! Does he understand what I went through for nine months? This is not okay!

Rationally, I understand that sometimes kids just want their dads. But this is not rationality speaking, these are deep-seated emotions talking.

I mean, who knows WHY he wants daddy. Daddy does let him watch a hell of a lot more TV than I do, and lets him stay up MUCH later than I would. He also doesn't SEE daddy very often because daddy works nights.

But maybe there is no reason to speak of. Maybe Ari just wants his daddy. And that is what makes me feel completely inadequate.


  1. AHH! So so cute! Hey, if you don't mind me asking, what nationality is Wilhelm?

  2. Wil is half Filipino half Dutch! But obviously we know what genetic material is dominating here!

  3. Hehe, yeah the Asian gene is pretty dominant! I'm actually surprised how non-Middle Eastern Tahira looks (or maybe she does?) I don't see it too much yet. Perhaps when she's older.

  4. My first visit to you blog! Your son is so sweet. I love your banner. What a dear little family.

  5. That really is a sweet picture of the Van Luyn boys. It is tough to hear that DADDY scream. But as my mother told me, "You will always be my baby." As my therapist always tells me there is enough love there for everyone. If I could only remember that. Hang in Mama.


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