Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Do it Now! Take that Procrastination!

I woke up today, and I realized that there were several things that I hadn't done.

1. The dishes
2. Apply Ari for Kindergarten
3. Return "The Life of Pi" to Helen, a teacher that leant it to me two years ago.

I looked at the dishes with dread. It looked like there were five thousand of them sitting there glaring at me. 

But then I stopped. 
I'll just wash one plate. 
This isn't so bad...
I'm going to wash another plate.
Okay, not terrible. 
I'm going to wash all the knives. 
Okay done with that. 
There's only three cups in here. I can take them! 
Fuck it, I'm going to do all the dishes. 
All of them.
I don't want them looking at me anymore. 
I did them. I did all of the dishes.
And when I looked at the empty sink, I felt so much better. I wasn't anxious anymore!

I looked at "The Life of Pi." Helen, a fellow teacher, leant it to me two years ago. She's been asking for it back for months. I have to return it, I thought. I shrugged those thoughts away. I grabbed Samara, plonked her in her car-seat and we drove off to school.

I found Helen's classroom. 
"Look what I have for you!" I said triumphantly.
"Oh I'm more excited about this big girl!"She said with a big smile, gesturing to Samara. 
Here I was agonizing over getting Helen's book back to her, when she was more excited about meeting Samara than seeing her two-year old book. But it was a load off my back, I finally returned her book!

I headed to the office, grabbed the Kindergarten application and filled it out. 
Name, yep.
Address, I know that one too!
Birthday, easy.
This is not so bad. 
I'm doing things! 

I learned something today.

The more I put things off, the more I fear doing them.

When I take an action, I feel better. 
So the next time a sock drops on the floor, and the thought crosses my mind, I pick it up later, I'm going to pick it up right then and there.

The next time I think to myself, I'll just do that dish later...

I'm going to face that dirty plate, wash it and be done with it.

Sometimes it takes an extra minute or two, but anxiety, the worry, the concern about a minor is issue is avoided by dealing with it. 

Take that procrastination! 

Sunday, February 17, 2013

I Don't Know If I Handled This Well

"Who took care of you when you were a little girl?"
"Grandma and grandpa?"
"Who took care of grandpa and grandma?"
"Their parents."
"Where are their parents?"
"They died."
"Can they come back?"
"No, they can't."
"But I want them to come back. Am I going to die?"
"Yes. But not for a very, very long time. You're still a little boy and you have a long life ahead of you. Not until you're very old."
"I don't want to get old!"
"Neither do I."
"Where do you go when you die?"
"Well, some people believe you go to heaven."
"Where's heaven?"
"It's up in the clouds."
"But I don't wanna go in the sky!"
"Heaven doesn't have to be in the sky. It could be wherever you want it to be. It's a really happy place that people go after they die."
"Some people believe that you come back as another person after you die."
"I want to come back as me."
"Maybe you can."
"I want to come back as me and grow up again."
"Maybe you will."
"Okay. Mommy?"
"I don't want to be old."
"I know."
"I love you."
"I love you too."