Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Hemorrhoids and a Mouse in a Stock Pot!

I was not looking forward to today. Today I had to visit a colo-rectal specialist to look at my hemorrhoids that I've had since I was pregnant. Thankfully, Ari's Uncle Mike offered to babysit while I went to the doctor.

So there I am, sitting in the doctor's office, waiting for the doctor to examine my roids, when I receive the following picture text message from Uncle Mike:

The message was accompanied with the following text:

"Hi, I just hitched a ride and jumped out of Ari's bag! Can you see me? I'm a squeek-squeek!"

Yes, you read correctly, a mouse was hiding in my son's diaper bag.

So I began to obsess over this rodent while sitting in the butt doctor waiting room, because (frankly) I had nothing else to do. Here were my stream of thoughts:

Where did the mouse come from?
My apartment?
Mike and Mint's apartment?
My mom's car (which I drove to the doctor's appointment)?
Are there more mice hiding in the diaper bag?
Are there more mice hiding in my apartment?

And my mind kept going and going.

I finally got to into see the doctor, and while he was examining my roids I tried to make conversation with him about...well...anything. I needed to distract myself from this intimate exam.

Apparently, he lives in Long Island (Nassau County to be exact) and he dislikes transferring at Jamaica on the LIRR so he prefers to drive to work. Also, he says, if he lived in Mannahasset, he wouldn't need to transfer at Jamaica.

But I digress. He explained that my hemorrhoids were mild enough, except for one "dominant one" which he said could be removed using a "rubber band procedure." I was so baffled by this explanation that I didn't care to ask more about it, but instead I made another appointment for three weeks later to get rid of my dominant or "alpha-hemorrhoid."

I arrived back at Mint and Mike's house. Mike had (after some effort) trapped the mouse successfully in a stock pot.

He said the most humane thing we could do was to set the little guy free in Riverside Park.

So we did! Take a look:


  1. I'm upset about cute mouse and upsetting mental picture of this "rubber band" thing being in the same post. What a day.

  2. That's why Simon was trying to get into the bag when I got home.

  3. Well, there goes my theory that the mouse originated from the Fadermobile! Clearly, it was in our house! We better clean!

  4. What a day is right! There is a little bit of everything in this. A little animal rights, colon health, effectiveness of cats in mousing, obsessing, having good friends who are not afraid of rodents and much more. Very eventfuly day. Feel bad about you all having to deal with a mouse, but it sounds like he was caught and well treated. Don't take the diaper bag to Riverside Park.

  5. I'm so glad you didn't kill it!

  6. Oh no! These are animal rights people! Especially Mint. So she would not stand for us killing an innocent mouse!

  7. Lol, he's so cute! AHhhh Hemoroids! :P The come back from time to time for me too, but not as badly. I had an alpha one big time!

  8. My alpha one has truly taken over. Hopefully this mysterious rubber band procedure will correct the issue.

  9. Mice and hemorrhoids:

  10. I'm so glad the mouse made it out of the house safely. Not so glad that there may be more friends squatting and not paying rent at your place.

    What's this rubber band procedure is what I want to know.

  11. Jack- That is so funny! Great article. I can't believe that the mice actually ATE people's hemorrhoids! That is some wicked imagery!

    Donna- I am so curious about the whole rubber band procedure. I don't even know where to start on that one. Also, apparently my prescription cream costs $60!


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