Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Bottle it Up or Let it Out

I consider myself a sensitive person. Although, I keep a lot of my sensitivity on the inside. Something someone says will offend me and often, I don't say anything. After years of therapy, I've learned to express my emotions better. The trouble is, it takes me an extremely long time to get the chutzpah to say what's on my mind.

I suppose the reason that I'm afraid to say how I feel, is because I've been burned in the past. I've told people how I felt, and they haven't been receptive to it. I guess the trick is to have conviction in myself. Regardless of how the other person reacts, I know what I feel, and what I think, and that's what matters. Easier said than done. I think I might need to get back in therapy to work on that one.

I've been thinking a lot about my sensitivity when it comes to my kids. I want them to be able to express themselves without fear. I want them to have confidence in their beliefs, in their feelings so that they aren't plagued by displaced emotions.

But if they see their mother bottling her feelings up, will they model after her? It's not that I want to conceal my emotions, it's just that I'm so used to doing so. Think about biting your nails, it's a bad habit that's hard to break.

Then again, kids sometimes rebel against their parents. Maybe my repressed emotions will inspire them to be blunt. That would be hilarious. I can see it now. I'm running into the bathroom to cry, and they're spouting truths to each other.

I've resolved to try to say how I feel more often, regardless of the consequences. It's a very scary concept to me, but I feel it's important for my children to see me express myself.

How about you? Do you bottle it up, or let it rip? What say you?


  1. I nearly always let it out and try to do it in a healthy way, with talking and no screaming. I only learned how to do that once I got married, really. I was a big screamer before - and a crier ;) We are trying to teach our kid(s) to speak about what they are feeling too and tell us whats wrong instead of just screaming, whining, getting angry etc. Its sooo hard! But we are seeing results as language progreses (or in case of the baby, as he gets older and we know what he wants)

    Or if its needing time off I force myself to go out even if I'm lazy (which is every day lol)

  2. See, I let it out to Wil, my parents and the kids, but am scared to let it out elsewhere.

  3. Me too! I can let it out at home or to my parents, but if I tell anyone else how they have hurt me, they get offended (which isn't the intention)! I wish i could say "you are hurting my feelings" to some people so that I wouldn't be bottling it up for years. But when I've done so in the past, people have gotten so upset that it isn't worth it.
    I am seeing at least one of the kids doing the same thing. Her friend is sort of a bully and manipulative, but my kid won't say anything because she doesn't want to rock the boat and have this girl not talk to her (which she has done before). On the other hand, 2 of the kids don't worry about what their friends think of them. While this isn't exactly what you posted, I think that it's something to do with confidence. If someone has confidence to speaker their mind without getting drawn into an argument, then the relationship might be more successful.

  4. I don't really let my feelings out to anyone...I guess mostly to Yasir, but even he hasn't been as receptive as I'd like all the time, so I think twice about it now, which sucks. He didn't mean to be that way, he's just a man who grew up with little to no conversational skills so it's a learning process for him too. I am such a wimp and I let people stomp all over me without saying anything. I really don't want T to be like that :(

    I'm sorry you've been burned in the past by some people who obviously have no compassion for a person's feelings...I hope it doesn't hinder your ability to keep putting your feelings out there.

  5. Yea, people think I let it all out but I SO don't. I'll just complain to Chaim about this and that person, including himself! But when I DO say something, people take it the wrong way (I won't usually say it unless I put it in a sensitive way) or I'll just get really pissed, but only at close people. Maybe it's nice to be one that can be yelled at, at least you know you are close to that person!

    Good luck!!


What do you think? Feel free to agree or disagree, but hateful comments will be deleted.