Change

My whole body is tingling. There is so much to say. Words float through my veins and into my nervous system. They try to move into my esophagus, but they get stuck somewhere along the way. I am frozen. Change is coming. I can feel it. But when I look at my feet they are stuck to the ground. I try to move, but there is a thick green gelatin that makes my feet stick to the wooden floor. I want to scream, but I open my mouth and nothing comes out.

There is a bright light. I try to avert my eyes. I have no sunglasses. I squint. The light burns my eyes and my legs hurt from standing. I want to move but I can't. I want to turn away. The light is so bright.

I am unbearably hot. My clothes are saturated with sweat. I want to run, but I'm stuck in place. If I could fly, I would, but I have no wings. I look up and away from the light. There is a flock of birds in the sky. They are free. They have wings. They open them and soar high above my body, far away from my legs. My legs shake.

I want to be those birds. I want to push myself away from ground and break free. But I can't.

I stand.

I shake.

I fear change.

© 2012 Sarah Fader please do not reprint without permission.

Apparently I Work at Home

I don't know how this happened, but apparently I now work at home.

Please excuse my bra strap. I work at home, so I can wear whatever I want to work, thank you very much.

Let me tell you how this all happened. One day, I got an email from my best friend's husband, who works in television production. He asked me "how fast do you type?" to which I replied "Um...pretty fast." He then asked if I wanted to try some transcription. A friend of his worked for a production company and was in need of transcribers for raw footage for television shows. I was so happy that he thought of me, and told him as much. I said "why not?" and "I'll give it a shot."

I transcribed for shows on Nat Geo, Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, and TLC; I loved it, and (not to toot my own horn) I was good at it! I knew my auditory skills would come in handy some day!

Recently, I've been watching and transcribing a lot of Extreme Couponing, which makes me never want to pay for groceries again. When Ari watches me transcribe, he comments about all the food these people are getting. He also insists that all groceries cost $6.00 now for some reason.

But, I've discovered there are indeed challenges to working at home with kids.

First of all, it's really tempting to stay in my pajamas:

I mean, no one is watching me work, so what the hell, right? I can "pajama-ify" if I want to. I just created that verb. I work from home now, I can also create new words.

Another challenge is that Ari kind of hates it when I work. Yesterday he said:

"Mommy, I don't like it when you do work every day." I replied:

"I know you don't like it, I don't like it either."

And it's not that I don't like the work per say. Like I said, I love transcribing, but I don't like that it distracts from me spending time with my kids.

My mom shared with me that when she used to work from home writing resumes, my brother once said to her:

"I don't like that typing!" Which meant that he, too, did not like it when she worked from home, which resembles Ari's sentiments about my work.

One would think if one worked from home it would be easier to spend time with one's kids. However, it's just as hard to balance taking care of the kids and work as it would be if I worked outside the house. In fact, in some ways, it's harder.

Sometimes, more often than I would like to admit, I resort to putting the TV on for Ari so I can finish up some work, and I end up feeling like a terrible mom.

Working from home is tough. I'm having a hard time balancing it all, spending time with my kids, taking them to the park, having play dates, getting my work done, showering, eating, getting dressed and generally functioning.

Am I alone here? Does anyone else have this problem?

Win a Copy of Mayim Bialik's Book: Beyond The Sling!

A couple of months ago, I wrote to Mayim Bialik's Public Relations representative and asked if I could review Beyond The Sling Bialik's new book on Attachment Parenting, here on my blog. She was really great and sent along two copies, one for review and one for a giveaway! I even had the chance to meet Mayim at a press conference for her book, and do an interview with her. Heather and Shida you're awesome! Thanks for making that happen ladies.

Click here for the interview.

Beyond the Sling is a memoir-infused book on Attachment Parenting. What I found particularly interesting about it was how Bialik talks about parenting from a biological perspective. The fact that Bialik holds a PhD in neuroscience informs the book to a great extent. She discusses how hormones play a role in the foundation of parent child bonding; for example, there are biological reasons why we are made to sleep close to our young.

In addition to the scientific truths, Bialik shares her own stories struggles as a parent.

She mainly talks about the philosophies of Attachment Parenting, one of which is "gentle discipline," approaching your child with empathy, but at the same time setting limits and clear boundaries.

I found Beyond the Sling to be conversational, informative, and a adventurous journey of a read.

Do you want to a win a copy of Mayim's book? Here's your chance!

To enter do one (or all) of the following. Each counts as an entry. Post a comment indicating which of these you've done:

1. Post a comment with what you hope to gain from reading Beyond The Sling.

2. Follow my blog.

3. Follow Mayim Bialik on Facebook

4. Share my interview with Mayim Bialik on Facebook or Twitter.

5. Follow Mayim Bialik on Twitter

6. Follow me on Twitter

7. Follow me on Facebook

8. Share this giveaway on Facebook or Twitter.

The winner will be announced on Wednesday 3/21. Good luck everyone!

An Interview With Mayim Bialik

I recently had the opportunity to attend a press conference on Mayim Bialik's new parenting book "Beyond the Sling." I was really excited.

I had the chance to interview Mayim after the press conference about her book, which, by the way is fantastic. It's a memoir-based parenting book on Attachment Parenting and her own experiences as a mother.

Mayim, as you may know, was an actress on the TV show Blossom from the early 90's. She then went on to pursue a PhD in Neuroscience at UCLA, get married, and have two sons, Miles and Fred. After having kids, she became a fierce breast feeding advocate and a certified lactation consultation.

Here's what Mayim had to say about her book. She even gives me some suggestions on Ari's sleep issues.

I'll be giving away a copy of "Beyond The Sling" soon. Stay tuned for more details on that.

My Eyes Clapped Twice

I was reading Charlie and The Chocolate Factory to Ari, before he went to bed, and he stopped me.

"Mommy, when you were talking, my eyes clapped twice."

"What do you mean?" I asked him.

He blinked his eyes slowly, two times.

"See?" He said looking up at me.

"Oh, you mean, you were falling asleep?" I asked

"Yeah, my eyes clapped twice."

I want to live inside his brain.

I Know What I Need!

I woke up to the sound of Samara crying. "Get her..." Wil mumbled. He had already given her a bottle of milk two hours ago, and she was up again. I got her, put her in her booster seat and made her oatmeal and yogurt. As I was feeding her, I heard the bathroom door opening and closing.

"Ari, do you need help?"

No response. I waited.

"Ari, did you poop?"

"I need help!"

I open bathroom door and there is a giant mound of diarrhea on the floor.

"Sorry mommy," He says with a frown. "I tried to go to the potty, but I didn't make it."

"It's okay, next time just go on the potty okay?"

"Okay..." He mumbled looking at the poop.

"I have to clean this up now." I said groggily "WIL!"

"What?! I just want to sleep!"

"You need to get up because I can't do everything! Please feed Samara breakfast!"

Grumble, grumble. He does it.

After I am done cleaning up massive amounts of poop and sanitizing the floor, I take a much needed shower, while Wil plays with the kids and irons clothes for work at the same time, then I make my coffee and turn on my computer to check my email. Maybe someone emailed me some fantastic news, wants to tell me how awesome I am, give me a job, or (even better) send me a check for $10,000.

Instead, I got a message from the principal of one of the schools I sub for, it said:

"Where are you?"

Uh oh...it turns out I was supposed to teach today. I mixed up the dates, and I thought she canceled today. But she really canceled tomorrow March 7th. I'm a moron.

She's never going to call me again. I should join the circus.

I should apply to work at Trader Joe's so I can get a discount on groceries.

Or maybe...I just need....

AN ASSISTANT!

Clearly I can't control my own calendar. I also (by the way) have a lot of trouble spelling the word "calendar" without the use of a spell check, sad isn't it?

But yes, I think I'm on to something.

I can't afford to pay an assistant. But, I am really good at making cookies, and giving advice. Could I pay someone to organize my schedule in exchange for cookies and/or life coaching?

I think so!

So, if you're really good at time management, love cookies, and you need some advice about...anything, I can help!

Email me at oldschoolnewschoolmom@oldschoolnewschoolmom.com to apply to be my assistant.

Bullying

I want to talk about bullying. When I was in elementary and junior high school, at any given time, somebody was making fun of somebody else. And, sadly, I admit that I was involved in the process of making fun of others. To an extent, I think it was peer pressure, wanting to fit in, wanting to be liked. But what I've noticed, is that bullying, teasing, and the like is starting at a younger age now. I've seen Pre-K kids gang up on one particular child.

But, the sad thing about bullying is that there is a silence associated with it. I don't remember telling my parents about the fact that "today we were making fun of this person because he was fat," or "we were mocking this girl because she smelled bad." It all happened between peers.

This makes me terrified for when I send Ari to school.

I can only draw from my own experience, as a frame of reference. And from what I recall, I didn't tell my parents about making fun of other kids, and I didn't confide in them about when I was being bullied in the 8th grade.

Although, actually, I did tell my brother, and he drove to pick me up from junior high school one day after school and yelled names out the window one of my torturers. That was pretty awesome.

The thing is, I was very close to my parents, and I still didn't tell them about the extent to which I was being tortured. I thought I had to go to school everyday in 8th grade and bear the brunt of my misery alone. I remember it vividly, walking up the stairs at school, hear racing, scared of what was going to happen to me that day, who was going to say something soul crushing.

If Ari should be made fun of in school, I want him to be able to tell me about it. I don't want him to feel the weight of being bullied alone.

Oy gavolt! This is the type of stuff that makes me want to homeschool my kids!

What do you think? Were you bullied? How do you deal with bullying?