Tuesday, March 6, 2012

I Know What I Need!

I woke up to the sound of Samara crying. "Get her..." Wil mumbled. He had already given her a bottle of milk two hours ago, and she was up again. I got her, put her in her booster seat and made her oatmeal and yogurt. As I was feeding her, I heard the bathroom door opening and closing.

"Ari, do you need help?"

No response. I waited.
"Ari, did you poop?"

"I need help!"

I open bathroom door and there is a giant mound of diarrhea on the floor.

"Sorry mommy," He says with a frown. "I tried to go to the potty, but I didn't make it."
"It's okay, next time just go on the potty okay?"
"Okay..." He mumbled looking at the poop.
"I have to clean this up now." I said groggily "WIL!"
"What?! I just want to sleep!"
"You need to get up because I can't do everything! Please feed Samara breakfast!"
Grumble, grumble. He does it.

After I am done cleaning up massive amounts of poop and sanitizing the floor, I take a much needed shower, while Wil plays with the kids and irons clothes for work at the same time, then I make my coffee and turn on my computer to check my email. Maybe someone emailed me some fantastic news, wants to tell me how awesome I am, give me a job, or (even better) send me a check for $10,000.

Instead, I got a message from the principal of one of the schools I sub for, it said:

"Where are you?"

Uh oh...it turns out I was supposed to teach today. I mixed up the dates, and I thought she canceled today. But she really canceled tomorrow March 7th. I'm a moron.

She's never going to call me again. I should join the circus.

I should apply to work at Trader Joe's so I can get a discount on groceries.

Or maybe...I just need....


Clearly I can't control my own calendar. I also (by the way) have a lot of trouble spelling the word "calendar" without the use of a spell check, sad isn't it?

But yes, I think I'm on to something.

I can't afford to pay an assistant. But, I am really good at making cookies, and giving advice. Could I pay someone to organize my schedule in exchange for cookies and/or life coaching?

I think so!

So, if you're really good at time management, love cookies, and you need some advice about...anything, I can help!

Email me at oldschoolnewschoolmom@oldschoolnewschoolmom.com to apply to be my assistant.


  1. a wife. i totally think we all need a wife. someone to ensure that you have a sandwich waiting in the fridge for lunch the next day, and someone to make sure all the kids have clean dry snowpants, and someone to make sure kids have indoor shoes in their nursery school bag. and someone to make sure there is enough milk for the next day. seriously, i could go and on. we all need a wife.

  2. OMG. That's crazy (and kind of funny!). I have a really hard time keeping track of days, dates, everything and I only have one kiddo. WOW!


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