Wednesday, January 15, 2014

America Doesn't Want People to Have Babies

When I got pregnant with my son in 2008, I was terrified. I wasn't scared to become a mother, but rather I was fearful because I was only going to get three months off from work to "bond" with my baby. I tried to rationalize the time frame. This is standard procedure, I thought, many mothers in the United States do this and then find childcare for their babies when they return to work. 

 Three months passed rather quickly, and I attempted to return to work. Only, it felt wrong. I was still breastfeeding my baby. I had to go into the bathroom to pump breast milk. When I asked my office manager if there was a refrigerator where I could store my breast milk, she looked at me like I had three heads. 

Every day I would come to work and all I could do was think about the fact that I wasn't with my baby. I came home and I could swear that he looked different from one day to the next. This just didn't feel right to me. The other major issue was that my three month old baby was not sleeping much so neither was I. I was attempting to do a full time job on four hours of sleep every day. 

So I made the decision that I would quit my full time job to stay home with my son. My husband and I struggled financially during that year to make ends meet. We barely had enough money for groceries, but somehow we survived. And I do mean we survived. It wasn't pretty all the time, but I just couldn't leave my baby at three months.

 I live in New York City where daycare costs as much as renting a studio apartment. When you choose to have children here, it seems you also have two choices: a) stay home with them and be poor or b) go to work to and pay thousands of dollars a month for someone else (a daycare facility or a babysitter) to watch them. This doesn't seem right to me.

 When I picked my son up from Kindergarten today, I met a babysitter who lived in Holland for seven years. She told me that when a working woman gets pregnant in Holland, some companies will actually provide her financial incentives to support her growing family. I thought, how progressive. Holland's got the right idea. The Dutch also value Homebirth and view it as the default way to have a baby. Hospital birth is looked at as an exception to the rule.

America seems to devalue the idea of having and nurturing babies. This is not just about mothers. Most companies don't have paternity leave of any kind. If there is any paternity leave, it's most likely unpaid and fathers need to use their time from FMLA. What I don't understand is how this is accepted as normal. We just accept the fact that we all go back to work when our babies are still infants. That's not healthy or "normal." 

I think it's time we changed this. We need more time to spend with our children. Life is not just about working to make money, it's about valuing our families. Americans deserve extended maternity and paternity leaves. We need to get to know our children before we return to being ourselves in the workplace.


  1. I can't be sure of the exact country but I have heard there are places in Europe that will actually pay the mother to stay home with the child until they go to school.
    My sister, who has fertility issues, has been researching the best countries to raise children in. She is seriously contemplating a move across the pond before she puts any additional time and money into attempting to conceive a child. It is sad when people feel they need to leave the country in order to provide the environment they want for their family.

  2. Yes! I've heard talk of this too. I'm not sure where in Europe though.

  3. Most places, aside from America, has AT LEAST a year of PAID maternity leave and some have paternity leave as well!!! We need to get on this as we also need to support women who want to work and have a family. It shouldnt be one or the other (trust me, I know). Women seem to have a career expiration date when it comes to having children. We, as a country, are missing out on women leaders and children with parents who can be there for them (says the latch-key kid)! :-)

  4. Yes yes yes! Why should it be one or the other? Our society is so backwards. We need to start a maternity and paternity leave movement!

  5. I agree, entirely with you. It's backwards. We should be focused on helping families make it and raising our children. They are the future, after all!

  6. Yes! That's exactly right. Those babies that we're raising will be taking care of us someday!

  7. 26 Weeks paid is awesome! The United States is so backwards.

  8. Hi,
    I am pretty sure it is Finland : You get paid stay up to 1 year, but than you can choose to stay home with your child till they reach school age and return to your job (they keep your place or offer similar ), I read about it long ago, but some of it here

  9. Though I wouldn't advise your son to talk about it to people he isn't friends with at school. Saying you dig "my little ponies" won't do you any favours.

    And anyway, if he is 5, he is in the target demographic, so it is fine.

  10. Actually, he's not in the target demographic. The show was intended for little girls as Faust states in her MS. Blog. But she is so happy that little boys and adults (who are outside the target demographic) love the show as well. Additionally, Ari has no reason to hide his love of MLP from his friends or anyone.

  11. Brony was never really anything to do with gender. It came from /b/ in 4 chan where regulars are often called /b/ros. Male or not. Add to this also the joke that there are no girls on the internet. So /b/ro +pony.

    It's good that humans are finally shedding the stereotypes. I have always wondered why people are so adamant to cling to nonsense like male and female designated colours and styles. You only need read a few studies to see how we have invented gender.


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