My Inner Fuck You

Before I came to BlogHer, I was scared.
I've been a writer since the time I was six and could operate my mom's electric typewriter. But despite the fact that others have said these words to me "you're a really good writer." I've been filled to the brim with doubt.

No matter what anyone told me, I felt I wasn't good enough.

Yesterday, that changed.

Something clicked.

I felt the metaphorical light switch turn on in my being.

***

I'm sitting in my hotel room with my roommate Trish. She's engaged to Louis C.K in case you were unaware.

I'm telling her about a disparaging text message I received from a family member. A message that crushes my soul. A message that digs deep into my confidence, takes out a giant red boxing glove and punches me in the face.

She turns to me, looks me dead in the eyes and says:
"Sarah, you have to embrace your inner fuck you."

And I got it.

It doesn't matter what this person thinks of me.
It doesn't matter if they approve.

What matters is how I feel.
What matters is what I want.
What matters is my voice.
And in that moment I found my voice. It was raspy and it hadn't been used in 33 years, but I opened my heart and that voice began to erupt.

Fuck you.
Fuck you insecurity! Fuck you to the voice in my head that constantly tells me "you're not good enough, you'll never make it as a Blogger, you can't do this, give up."

Fuck you! Pack your fucking suitcase, and get the fuck out of my house.

The truth is, not everyone is going to like me, and I don't fucking care. Because I like me. I have a voice and I'm not afraid to use it.