Back to School

On Monday, things are going to get hectic around the Fader-Van Luyn house. Starting April 2nd 2012, one day before his 28th birthday, Wil goes back to school to get his dispatch license. When he tried to describe his work and school schedule to me, I got incredibly overwhelmed and confused by it, so I asked him to make a calendar and put it on the fridge.

When I woke up this morning, I went to open the fridge to get eggs and half and half for my coffee, and I found this:

By the way, I love that magnet. I've had it since 2004, before I knew Wil, and when my kids learn to read I'm in trouble.

I feel a little better about the upcoming changes knowing there is an order to things. The tangible schedule makes it feel more concrete and less abstract and scary.

Abstract = scary to me.

I'm excited about Wil earning his dispatcher license, but it's going to be a really crazy three months. I will hardly ever see him; he'll either be at work, at school, or at the library studying for school. The upside is that when the three months are up, he'll be qualified to take on positions that could further his career, which is awesome.

I'm nervous about being with the kids 24/7 and getting no break. But I know that this is an important life step for him, so I guess it's worth the temporary madness that may ensue.

I'm forewarning everyone, if I seem less than sane now you now know why.

Wish us all luck, it's going to be a crazy three months!

Any words of encouragement or advice would be welcome! Also if you want to come clean my house or do my dishes that would be more than welcome. No I'm serious.

The Time is Now

I'm on a ship. The ship is sinking. I have to get everyone off. There are piles of gold everywhere. An enemy ship approaches in the distance. It's fierce, filled with cyclops, werewolves, and three-headed carnivorous monsters. The monsters in question like to dine on human flesh of the 32 year-old female variety. I try to put everything in my hands, the gold slips through my fingers. The pirates around me are singing and drinking ale. They're dancing. They have yellow and gray teeth, or no teeth at all, but they don't care, as long as their ale mugs are filled and the music is so loud that it pierces through their entire bodies.

I scream "The enemy is nigh! We need to get the treasure out of here! They'll steal it and we'll have nothing left. They're going to eat my brain."

Everyone continues to sing and dance, oblivious to our impending demise.

I try to lift a chest filled with gold but it's too heavy, it hurts my arms and my back. The enemy ship is close, I can see it. I can make out the faces of the monsters. I know I will be eaten soon.

"We have to get out of here!" I scream.

No one listens.

I grab an empty satchel and start filling it with emeralds, gold, and rubies. With the satchel in my hand I board the plank. I get a running start and dive head first into the ocean.

I am swimming fast and furious toward the shore. I know the enemy is in the distance, and it's my chance to avoid my demise. My arms hurt and I paddle as fast as my human body can carry me.

Miraculously I reach the shore. It's a deserted island. The shore is empty. There is just sand, nothing but sand, but I am free.

© 2012 Sarah Fader Stealing conjures up brain-eating monsters that come to your house and feed on your flesh.

Making a Change

I'm scared of change. Anything that's new freaks me out. However, today I'm making a big change.

I've struggled with anxiety all my life. I've been on and off of anti-depressants. Lately, I've been really working on myself in therapy trying to figure out what triggers my anxiety.

I had an epiphany yesterday. I went to my favorite bakery and had a coffee and a slice of cake. After eating the cake, I felt anxious, strange in my own skin.

I called my friend amazing friend, Donna, and told her about this feeling.

"You know, " she said "Sugar can make your anxiety worse."

That had never occurred to me before. I always assumed my anxiety was internal, and there wasn't anything that I could do externally to control it. Then I thought about it, and she was absolutely right.

Whenever I've been in a particularly anxious state, I want nothing to do with sugar. All I want to eat are bananas, actually. Bananas are definitely my comfort food.

So, I've decided to cut out processed sugar from my diet.

This is going to be a real challenge since I love cookies, and sugar is kind of my favorite unofficial food group.

But I figure, my mental health is way more important than cookies. It's time to punch anxiety in the balls.

Wish me luck!

Sarcasm Isn't Always Cool

I'm going to admit it, I'm a huge dork. I play Magic The Gathering. Today I went to a "Geek Store" in Brooklyn to pick up some cards, and I ended up playing Magic with a few guys.

Wil wanted to kill me when I got home, because I spent three hours there and he was alone with the kids. Sorry babe!

Even though I only recently started playing Magic again (after a 15 year hiatus) I beat two out of the three guys I played with using my Black and White token deck. The first two guys were really nice.

The last guy was a total asshole.

Everything that came out of this guy's mouth was just mean. First, I introduced myself:

"Hi, I'm Sarah."

"Hi, Joe Smith." [For the sake of the anonymity we'll call him Joe]

"Oh, we're going by full names. Okay [laughing] I'm Sarah Fader."

"No, you're not as cool as me. Joe Smith is much cooler."

"I think Fader's a pretty awesome name actually."

"No."

I don't even know this guy, and already he's throwing sarcasm around. Yeah...no.

I had my cards facing his cards so he could read what the creature cards said. Like this:

He took a look at my cards and said:

"I like that your cards are facing me, and what I mean by 'I like it' is that I don't like it at all."

"You're being mean today, huh Joe?" Said the owner of the store.

Suddenly out of nowhere, I don't know what came over me, I said:

"Yeah, he's kind of being a dick."

"Uh, I would call it being playful, but okay," Joe said with a shrug.

The rest of the game was awkward enough. I was embarrassed that I outright called him a dick. I don't know what came over me. I guess I was irritated. I came there to play Magic, to take a break from the kids, not to deal with his sarcastic nonsense. I didn't even know him.

I didn't beat him, which I'm bummed about because he was so annoying.

Don't get me wrong, I can be as sarcastic as the next person, but I try not be an asshole. It's a delicate balance.

What do you think? Are you sarcastic? Is there a time and place for sarcasm?

The Winner of Mayim Bialk's Book Beyond The Sling is...

The winner of Mayim Bialik's Book, Beyond The Sling is:

Lauren Limon!

Congratulations Lauren! You won!! Thank you to everyone that entered! Check out my interview with Mayim here

**Winner selected by a random number generator at Random.org

Guest Post By Auntie Mint: Review of Kiss Nail Dress

Hello, Auntie Mint here.

I participate in a program called Influenster where I receive complimentary products for testing and review purposes.

I recently got a "VoxBox" full of goodies such as razors, tea, chocolates etc... but there was only one product in the box that I felt passionate enough about to ask osnsmom if I could hijack her blog for a review.

That product was Kiss Nail Dress. They are easy to apply/no dry time nail decals.

I don't even have kids of my own and I manage to mess up my nails within an hour of painting them so I can only imagine it must be nearly impossible to keep your manicure neat with kids!

That's where Kiss Nail Dress comes in. All you do is stick the decals on, clip and file the ends, and voila - perfect nails that can't get messed up for days and days!

The design I got was like Crackle or Shatter polish but there are 17 other designs to choose from and they should be about $7 at your drugstore.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging.

Stream of Consciousness on a Friday

Don’t put that in your mouth! I want to do something important. I want to be successful. I need to make my mark on the world. Clean that water up right now! Water is for the bathtub. Why did you spill that on the floor? I owe $125 to Hunter College and $40 to Long Island University. I’m never going to get into school if I don’t pay them. Share with your sister! My neck hurts. I haven’t eaten lunch. Nothing in the fridge is appealing. Samara, give me my phone! Take it out of your mouth. You can’t have that coffee! What was I thinking about? Ari? Ari? Where are you? You need help wiping? Hold on a second! Oh my G-d! Samara fell down! She’s crying. Is that blood? Oh my G-d, is that blood? Where’s it coming from?! Let me smell it. Oh, thank G-d it’s coffee. I’m going to have a nervous breakdown. Where will they send me? Will my friends visit me if I live in a mental institution? Ari, I’m coming! Okay, you want to watch something? How about Blue’s Clues? No? How about Max and Ruby?

Okay…okay phew! Samara? You want milk? Okay. I’m okay. You’re okay, everybody’s okay. I want to be on a beach. I want to fall asleep on the beach and let the sun soak into my skin and warm me, like a baby. I want to be in the sun’s womb. I want to be incubated by the sun. I’m a mess. I can smell myself. I need a shower and maybe another tattoo. I think my neck tattoo is fading. I haven’t seen it in a year. I don’t know. I want to go to the movies. You look tired, Ari. Yes, we’re going to the playground, but only if you take a nap. You’re not tired? Well…I’m tired. Samara’s tired. She’s going to take a nap. Will you just lay down? Please…please…please…I want to sleep. Why don’t you?

Okay, if you’re not going to sleep then just go on the bed and play with your toys. If I sleep, I’ll be able to dream. Maybe…I don’t want to think right now. But I do want a cookie. I’m going to lay down now. Oh, now you want to lay down? No, you can’t jump on the bed, the bed is for sleeping in. It's going to break if you jump on it remember? It’s almost broken. My brain is broken. If I sleep it will merge back together, and I’ll feel more like a human. Yes? Okay, I’ll hold you. Yes, I’ll scratch your back. Ari? Are you asleep? Yes! Time to check my email!

©2012 Sarah Fader Stealing hurts your soul.

Change

My whole body is tingling. There is so much to say. Words float through my veins and into my nervous system. They try to move into my esophagus, but they get stuck somewhere along the way. I am frozen. Change is coming. I can feel it. But when I look at my feet they are stuck to the ground. I try to move, but there is a thick green gelatin that makes my feet stick to the wooden floor. I want to scream, but I open my mouth and nothing comes out.

There is a bright light. I try to avert my eyes. I have no sunglasses. I squint. The light burns my eyes and my legs hurt from standing. I want to move but I can't. I want to turn away. The light is so bright.

I am unbearably hot. My clothes are saturated with sweat. I want to run, but I'm stuck in place. If I could fly, I would, but I have no wings. I look up and away from the light. There is a flock of birds in the sky. They are free. They have wings. They open them and soar high above my body, far away from my legs. My legs shake.

I want to be those birds. I want to push myself away from ground and break free. But I can't.

I stand.

I shake.

I fear change.

© 2012 Sarah Fader please do not reprint without permission.

Apparently I Work at Home

I don't know how this happened, but apparently I now work at home.

Please excuse my bra strap. I work at home, so I can wear whatever I want to work, thank you very much.

Let me tell you how this all happened. One day, I got an email from my best friend's husband, who works in television production. He asked me "how fast do you type?" to which I replied "Um...pretty fast." He then asked if I wanted to try some transcription. A friend of his worked for a production company and was in need of transcribers for raw footage for television shows. I was so happy that he thought of me, and told him as much. I said "why not?" and "I'll give it a shot."

I transcribed for shows on Nat Geo, Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, and TLC; I loved it, and (not to toot my own horn) I was good at it! I knew my auditory skills would come in handy some day!

Recently, I've been watching and transcribing a lot of Extreme Couponing, which makes me never want to pay for groceries again. When Ari watches me transcribe, he comments about all the food these people are getting. He also insists that all groceries cost $6.00 now for some reason.

But, I've discovered there are indeed challenges to working at home with kids.

First of all, it's really tempting to stay in my pajamas:

I mean, no one is watching me work, so what the hell, right? I can "pajama-ify" if I want to. I just created that verb. I work from home now, I can also create new words.

Another challenge is that Ari kind of hates it when I work. Yesterday he said:

"Mommy, I don't like it when you do work every day." I replied:

"I know you don't like it, I don't like it either."

And it's not that I don't like the work per say. Like I said, I love transcribing, but I don't like that it distracts from me spending time with my kids.

My mom shared with me that when she used to work from home writing resumes, my brother once said to her:

"I don't like that typing!" Which meant that he, too, did not like it when she worked from home, which resembles Ari's sentiments about my work.

One would think if one worked from home it would be easier to spend time with one's kids. However, it's just as hard to balance taking care of the kids and work as it would be if I worked outside the house. In fact, in some ways, it's harder.

Sometimes, more often than I would like to admit, I resort to putting the TV on for Ari so I can finish up some work, and I end up feeling like a terrible mom.

Working from home is tough. I'm having a hard time balancing it all, spending time with my kids, taking them to the park, having play dates, getting my work done, showering, eating, getting dressed and generally functioning.

Am I alone here? Does anyone else have this problem?

Win a Copy of Mayim Bialik's Book: Beyond The Sling!

A couple of months ago, I wrote to Mayim Bialik's Public Relations representative and asked if I could review Beyond The Sling Bialik's new book on Attachment Parenting, here on my blog. She was really great and sent along two copies, one for review and one for a giveaway! I even had the chance to meet Mayim at a press conference for her book, and do an interview with her. Heather and Shida you're awesome! Thanks for making that happen ladies.

Click here for the interview.

Beyond the Sling is a memoir-infused book on Attachment Parenting. What I found particularly interesting about it was how Bialik talks about parenting from a biological perspective. The fact that Bialik holds a PhD in neuroscience informs the book to a great extent. She discusses how hormones play a role in the foundation of parent child bonding; for example, there are biological reasons why we are made to sleep close to our young.

In addition to the scientific truths, Bialik shares her own stories struggles as a parent.

She mainly talks about the philosophies of Attachment Parenting, one of which is "gentle discipline," approaching your child with empathy, but at the same time setting limits and clear boundaries.

I found Beyond the Sling to be conversational, informative, and a adventurous journey of a read.

Do you want to a win a copy of Mayim's book? Here's your chance!

To enter do one (or all) of the following. Each counts as an entry. Post a comment indicating which of these you've done:

1. Post a comment with what you hope to gain from reading Beyond The Sling.

2. Follow my blog.

3. Follow Mayim Bialik on Facebook

4. Share my interview with Mayim Bialik on Facebook or Twitter.

5. Follow Mayim Bialik on Twitter

6. Follow me on Twitter

7. Follow me on Facebook

8. Share this giveaway on Facebook or Twitter.

The winner will be announced on Wednesday 3/21. Good luck everyone!

An Interview With Mayim Bialik

I recently had the opportunity to attend a press conference on Mayim Bialik's new parenting book "Beyond the Sling." I was really excited.

I had the chance to interview Mayim after the press conference about her book, which, by the way is fantastic. It's a memoir-based parenting book on Attachment Parenting and her own experiences as a mother.

Mayim, as you may know, was an actress on the TV show Blossom from the early 90's. She then went on to pursue a PhD in Neuroscience at UCLA, get married, and have two sons, Miles and Fred. After having kids, she became a fierce breast feeding advocate and a certified lactation consultation.

Here's what Mayim had to say about her book. She even gives me some suggestions on Ari's sleep issues.

I'll be giving away a copy of "Beyond The Sling" soon. Stay tuned for more details on that.

My Eyes Clapped Twice

I was reading Charlie and The Chocolate Factory to Ari, before he went to bed, and he stopped me.

"Mommy, when you were talking, my eyes clapped twice."

"What do you mean?" I asked him.

He blinked his eyes slowly, two times.

"See?" He said looking up at me.

"Oh, you mean, you were falling asleep?" I asked

"Yeah, my eyes clapped twice."

I want to live inside his brain.

I Know What I Need!

I woke up to the sound of Samara crying. "Get her..." Wil mumbled. He had already given her a bottle of milk two hours ago, and she was up again. I got her, put her in her booster seat and made her oatmeal and yogurt. As I was feeding her, I heard the bathroom door opening and closing.

"Ari, do you need help?"

No response. I waited.

"Ari, did you poop?"

"I need help!"

I open bathroom door and there is a giant mound of diarrhea on the floor.

"Sorry mommy," He says with a frown. "I tried to go to the potty, but I didn't make it."

"It's okay, next time just go on the potty okay?"

"Okay..." He mumbled looking at the poop.

"I have to clean this up now." I said groggily "WIL!"

"What?! I just want to sleep!"

"You need to get up because I can't do everything! Please feed Samara breakfast!"

Grumble, grumble. He does it.

After I am done cleaning up massive amounts of poop and sanitizing the floor, I take a much needed shower, while Wil plays with the kids and irons clothes for work at the same time, then I make my coffee and turn on my computer to check my email. Maybe someone emailed me some fantastic news, wants to tell me how awesome I am, give me a job, or (even better) send me a check for $10,000.

Instead, I got a message from the principal of one of the schools I sub for, it said:

"Where are you?"

Uh oh...it turns out I was supposed to teach today. I mixed up the dates, and I thought she canceled today. But she really canceled tomorrow March 7th. I'm a moron.

She's never going to call me again. I should join the circus.

I should apply to work at Trader Joe's so I can get a discount on groceries.

Or maybe...I just need....

AN ASSISTANT!

Clearly I can't control my own calendar. I also (by the way) have a lot of trouble spelling the word "calendar" without the use of a spell check, sad isn't it?

But yes, I think I'm on to something.

I can't afford to pay an assistant. But, I am really good at making cookies, and giving advice. Could I pay someone to organize my schedule in exchange for cookies and/or life coaching?

I think so!

So, if you're really good at time management, love cookies, and you need some advice about...anything, I can help!

Email me at oldschoolnewschoolmom@oldschoolnewschoolmom.com to apply to be my assistant.

Bullying

I want to talk about bullying. When I was in elementary and junior high school, at any given time, somebody was making fun of somebody else. And, sadly, I admit that I was involved in the process of making fun of others. To an extent, I think it was peer pressure, wanting to fit in, wanting to be liked. But what I've noticed, is that bullying, teasing, and the like is starting at a younger age now. I've seen Pre-K kids gang up on one particular child.

But, the sad thing about bullying is that there is a silence associated with it. I don't remember telling my parents about the fact that "today we were making fun of this person because he was fat," or "we were mocking this girl because she smelled bad." It all happened between peers.

This makes me terrified for when I send Ari to school.

I can only draw from my own experience, as a frame of reference. And from what I recall, I didn't tell my parents about making fun of other kids, and I didn't confide in them about when I was being bullied in the 8th grade.

Although, actually, I did tell my brother, and he drove to pick me up from junior high school one day after school and yelled names out the window one of my torturers. That was pretty awesome.

The thing is, I was very close to my parents, and I still didn't tell them about the extent to which I was being tortured. I thought I had to go to school everyday in 8th grade and bear the brunt of my misery alone. I remember it vividly, walking up the stairs at school, hear racing, scared of what was going to happen to me that day, who was going to say something soul crushing.

If Ari should be made fun of in school, I want him to be able to tell me about it. I don't want him to feel the weight of being bullied alone.

Oy gavolt! This is the type of stuff that makes me want to homeschool my kids!

What do you think? Were you bullied? How do you deal with bullying?