Friday, February 11, 2011

A Lesson On Fear From Samara

My feelings about labor during my second pregnancy were vastly different from the way I felt about it during my first pregnancy. When I was pregnant the first time around, with Ari, labor was an abstract concept. I knew it would be painful, but I hadn't experienced what that truly meant.

I was scared of labor this time around, with Samara, because I knew how painful labor could be and I was planning on a home birth. I wanted the home birth badly, but I was also petrified of natural childbirth; how much it would hurt and the possibility that I would feel out of control.

When I made the decision to transfer back to my old OB and have my labor induced in the hospital, after being in early labor for a week, I allowed my mind and my body to relax. Once I made up my mind about the induction, my body took over and I went into labor on my own. I didn't need to be induced!

After my water broke, I had absolutely no control over what was happening to my body and I was scared out of my mind.

My acupuncturist told me that when he saw his wife in active labor, her eyes looked different. It was as if her mind wasn't present, her body was running the show.

This is how I felt when I was in labor. I never experienced active labor with Ari. This was a totally new feeling.

My body had taken over and all I could do was go along for the ride. In life, I hate roller coasters, they make me feel out of control. This labor was a real life roller coaster and Samara was operating the controls.

She forced me to face my fear, to confront natural childbirth. I know what it is to have a baby naturally now, and my daughter is the one who forced me to face my fear. Perhaps this is a part of her role in life, to help others face their fears.

What did you childbirth teach you about yourself?


  1. That you can only be so tough, and at some point you have to let others help you - for your own sanity, and for the health and safety of yourself and your baby. I wanted a natural childbirth, but apparently my pelvic floor muscles are hella strong and Lilah's big head just wasn't going to descend without a little help from our friends.
    And that doulas are very special people. You can check out my anecdotes here (you know, in between feedings and changings and not sleeping!):

  2. My experiences were so completely different - i had to have an emergency c-section with my first and it was so painful leading up to it. With my second, I was attempting a VBAC and it ended up going to quickly that I didn't have the chance to get an epidurla (even though I asked for one). I got to the hospital and three hours later I had a baby. The contractions for me was worse than the pushing. By the time it got to pushing, it actually felt good to push. And it was so much better than I thought it would be - I was so scared that I would have to have another c section or that I would be pushing for hours on end with nothing to show for it.

    I guess the point of the story is that I hear you sistah!

  3. I am with mominsanity as far as the c-section goes. I was whisked away after 3 grueling days, the last day they decided to give me pitocin to speed things up and they broke my water. Things got painful quick and I couldn't get that needle in my spine fast enough. Blood pressures went crazy, no dialation, and cut me open they did.
    I think it tought me most of all that there is no way I will do it again!


What do you think? Feel free to agree or disagree, but hateful comments will be deleted.