Monday, November 8, 2010


Something has been on my mind lately. It's been itching to come out. But I couldn't quite figure out how to say it. I finally have the words. It's about judgment.

The truth is we all judge one another. I notice myself doing it. I see a mother on the street, and I don't agree with what she's feeding her kid, or the way she's talking to her child.

Recently, I've been judged. And guess what? I didn't like it. Not one bit. In fact, I feel like I've had the wind knocked out of me. It wasn't from one source, but from multiple parties. Each time I was judged I got angrier and angrier. What does this person know about me or my life? They don't know what my experience is.

I try as hard as I can to be the best mother that I can, to maintain order in my life, but not everyone will agree with my choices. Not every person is going to understand the way I parent, or the way I live my life for that matter.

We don't know what other people go through in life. We can't know what it's like to be them or have their experiences.

But when we judge people, we don't try to understand them, we simply apply a label to them:
"lazy" "mean" "push-over" etc.

Each time I was judged, I found myself wondering this:

I wish this person would try to understand where I'm coming from.

Though I know I will continue to judge others, because we all do it, I will try to better understand where the person in question is coming from, rather than applying a harsh judgment to them. I will attempt to do this because of how terrible I'm feeling right now, because I am so angry. I feel misrepresented and misunderstood, and I don't wish these feelings on anyone.


  1. Oh wow! Nicely said! I thought this was Amanda's post at first in my email since she's blogged about it before (AND I told her the recent situation that happened to me! You know the one) So YES I totally agree with you! By the way, you seem like such a nonjudgmental person! So whatever you are thinking, you do a really great job of making people feel good. Maybe you judge some crazy parenting, but I always feel like you are really accepting and easy going!

  2. Don't worry, I love you just the way you are :)

  3. I agree with Cordy, I don't think you seem judgmental at all. We all do it though, and I think most of the time it's just because we want what's best for EVERYONE's kids, not just ours. So, if we see someone and think, "well I would do it this way instead" we sometimes judge them. I wonder if people judge my parenting. I'm almost certain my family does, which is annoying. I think families are typically the culprits, but it happens from strangers too.

    Sometimes you have to think: if we see a mom feeding her kid junk, perhaps it's just a one-time thing and normally she feeds him really healthy food, ya know? Maybe she's having a bad day, or the kid simply wont eat anything else that day. I'm sure at some point in time someone will see me give Tahira absolute junk and hear me talk to her in a way they don't agree with, but that doesn't mean I always parent that way.

    Sometimes I wonder how much easier parenting would be if we TRULY didn't care about pleasing others by parenting a certain way? Like TRULY didn't care. I know I've tried parenting a certain way because so-and-so in my family insisted and then I immediately regretted it. Stick with your gut. I hope whoever's been judging you lately knocks it off because you rock!

  4. You are right on all accounts. We all judge and we are all wrong to do it. It would do everyone good to be more empathetic. Well said.

  5. The other day I fed Theo chips in the stroller just so we could make it home without 30 minutes of screaming. I kept trying to hide the chip - he ate one chip every ten minutes- when I saw people approaching. FInally I apologized to an elderly lady for my son eating a chip (!) and she said. "Ach.. you do what you can." AWESOME!


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