Monday, November 12, 2012


I'm typing. 
I'm watching.
I'm typing again.
I hear it. It's a need, a cry, a want. I shudder. 
"Up, up, uppie!"
She wants me. 
I lift her up in my lap.
I slowly feel my insides melt into gelatinous goo. I'm green, slimy, I'm nothing. I'm no one. I'm a giant mass of waste.

She wants me.
She wants everything I have.
I have nothing left to give her.
She jumps down from my lap.
I'm a pool of slime on the floor. I'm trying to lift myself up, but I keep slipping. I'm melting into the hardwood floor. 

I want to scream
Someone help me!
Lift me up.
Bring me back to life.
I can hear her crying. I can't get up. I'm liquid. 

I'm nothing, I'm no one. 

I feel the anger surge like electricity through me, a pile of liquid on the floor. I'm glowing, electric. I'm rising up above the floor, above the crying, above the sounds. I'm charged, plus, minus, electricity emanating through my veins. 

I can feel.
Wings spread through the electricity. They are white, fluid, long, soft. 

I can breathe.

I will not escape this feeling. 

She cries louder. My wings spread and I float upward.

I am electric.

I am charged. 

I am someone. 

My wings flutter, and the room begins to spin. I'm spinning, the crying is louder. 

She rises up and meets me. 

We are electric together. She and I. I am terrified of her charge, her eyes.
She reaches her hand out and touches my wing. I breathe, and float downward.

My wings contract and I float down down down to the ground. 

I am curled up in a ball on the floor. She strokes my wings softly while I cry. She curls up beside me. Together we are calm. Together we are one. 

We fall into a deep comfortable sleep. 

There is silence. 


  1. This is perfect Sarah! I know I feel like this a lot, but it's The Thing You Dare Not Mention about motherhood and it drives me crazy! Good on ya for writing this!

  2. I applaud your bravery for writing this. It's easy for people who've never been there to judge a mother for not wanting/having anything to give anymore. You know I know this. I have soared and melted and cried and all the things you so beautifully put. Acknowledging it lets us be better.

  3. I get this. i do.

    Brave, transparent, honest.



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