Thursday, February 11, 2010

You May Have a Cyst or it May be Cancer

I received a voicemail from a doctor at the ER. On the voicemail she said:

"Hi, this is Dr. BEEP from the ER, we found something on your x-ray. Can you please give us a call back?"

At the word "something" I was ready to hang up the phone immediately and call her back. But I forced myself to listen to the end of her message. I hung up and called back the ER. It rang a few times and then I got an infuriating voicemail box:

"Hello, you've reached the Assistant Director of BEEP hospital leave a message!"

So I now have the following information:
--I have SOMETHING in my knee
--The person who provided me with this information MAY not exist

It turns out Dr. Beep was alive and well and proved her existence by returning my phone call.

Here's how the conversation went:
"Hi this is Dr. Beep from BEEP hosiptal. Thanks for calling us back, most people don't!"
"Of course!" I said "I want to know what you found on my x-ray!"
"Well, we found a lucency at the proximal tibial shaft that has uncertain significance." She said matter-of-factly

"What does that mean in English?" I replied
"Well," she began "You may have a cyst or it may be cancer."

Here is where my brain EXPLODED.

What would possess someone to say such a thing, I don't know. Needless to say after many tests, I don't have cancer. But this story makes me want to move to Canada because the health care system and bedside manner in the United States are terrible.

7 comments:

  1. I'm sure Canada sucks too...but its just free suckiness. Glad you don't have cancer!

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  2. Yeah, that's true. Canada sucks in it's own way. Sure! Thanks! I, too, am glad I do not have cancer! Whoooo hoooo! Damn that Doctor Beep!

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  3. WOW WTF!!!! Good thing you found out it was ok!! Scary!

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  4. Thank G-d is all I have to say. But I will tell you, the minute this woman uttered the word "cancer" I officially freaked out.

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  5. I'm glad you're good. I'd be freaking out, too. And like Amanda said, Canada sucks it hard, they just suck it hard for free. Your actually better off here.

    You were kind to "beep" out the info!

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  6. Damn! You're, not your! (Didn't proofread fast enough to catch it!)

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  7. Thank G-d I have no diseases! I didn't want to out the "beeps." Ahhh Canada...

    I don't know what the solution is, but something must be done about health care!

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