Hold The Door For Me

I know you're having a busy day, stranger that is staring at me while I attempt to open a giant heavy metal door. You don't seem that busy to me. You're reading The New York Times and drinking a seemingly delicious cup of joe, but do you think that you could pause your hectic life just long enough to assist me with opening the door? It would really make my day. No? You're a fucking asshole.

Hello, yes, I need help lifting this stroller down the subway stairs. It's really hard, and my neck and back are bothering me. I don't want to have to ask for help. I will ask the next available strong looking man that passes by to help me take the enormous stroller down the stairs.

I don't think I should have to ask him though. I wish I lived in a place where people were more aware of one another and had empathy.

Chivalry is dead. But so is empathy apparently.

I just want someone to hold the door for me, even if it's the fucking elevator door. But a "real" door would be great too. Sometimes, I can't hold my bag, the stroller and a water bottle and open the door. It's just not feasible. I'm sorry, society. I'm sorry that I am overwhelmed with life.

But still, someone should really hold the door for me, especially if that particular person isn't busy, and they're staring at me blankly, watching as I am attempting clumsily to open the door. It's not like I'm asking for money. I just want them to help me open the door, which I clearly cannot open.

It's just a door for G-d sake!

The next time I see someone struggling with a door, I'm going to help that person. I swear, don't test me, I will do it.

I will.

Hold...

the...

door...

for...

you.

It's a door.

My 33rd Birthday, The Y, Kung Fu, The Chocolate Room, and Roy

I turned 33 yesterday, October 17th 2012. It was epic. I started the day by working out at the Y with my awesome friend Bonnie. Then my parents took me out to The Chocolate Room where I had a brownie sundae. After that, my soul brother Roy came down from Westchester and taught Ari and I some Kung Fu on the playground.

Check it:

It was awesome. Moms were watching us learn Kung Fu and they were transfixed by what they saw. Then random children started doing Kung Fu moves along side us.

Word.

After our Kung Fu playground adventure, we talked about the apocalypse that may or may not happen, among other topics. Ari ate a lollipop on the way home, and refused to walk, but Roy convinced him to move onward.

We got back to my place, and my parents, Roy, Wil, Samara and Ari and I ordered pizza and talked about the 5th grade opera, the Obama Romney debate, Degrassi The Next Generation, and why Wil refuses to watch Buffy The Vampire Slayer, the TV series.

Year 33 started out with a bang, and a Kung Fu kick. Let's make this a year to remember.

Empathy and Amanda Todd

After I watched the video of Amanda Todd spilling her soul about being horrifically bullied I had a thought.

Here's the video in case you haven't seen it:



The story is tragic. Here's a beautiful young girl who made a mistake; revealing her breasts over the internet. Consequently, she's punished over and over again. She's tortured and bullied to the point where she takes her own life.

In itself, this is a horrific tale. But what makes it far worse, as my friend Justin pointed out to me, is the comments that are being made on the tribute pages.

People are saying things like "I'm glad she's dead."

Amanda Todd was a girl, she was a daughter, she was a friend, and (most importantly) she was a human being. She was not a serial killer. She doesn't deserve to have this malicious backlash of comments about her after she is dead.

The problem here is  our troubled society. Our children are lacking empathy. I'm not sure how that happened, but it needs to be fixed immediately.

Empathy is an integral skill that should be taught to every human being.

What we should be thinking and writing on these pages, is "how sad," "rest in peace," "a life is lost." Statements like that that show concern, love, and empathy.

All of us as human beings have felt some degree of pain; pain feels awful. Clearly, Amanda was in a lot of pain. As humans that have experienced pain, we should be able to think to ourselves, and even articulate out loud "Wow, she hurting, that's really tragic, I know what it's like to hurt, I feel for her."

We must take action. We need to remedy the fact that some of our children are lacking this skill. Society cannot tolerate this malicious behavior.

Teach your children to respect other people's feelings. Teach your son or daughter to empathize with others. Teach them to name how they feel out loud. Teach them to name how other people are feeling out loud.

Empathy is important. If we could all be more empathetic, think about how our society could drastically change.

Heated Arguments on Facebook Are Hilarious

The other day I got a message from my friend Debbie on Facebook.

Debbie was upset when she called me. She had been the victim of something that most of us in the 21st century have found ourselves involved in, a Facebook argument.

You might not even know that you're entering into one; you may just be innocently expressing your opinion on a post. But all of a sudden...someone is viciously attacking you because you like the color green and listen to Jazz music. Why is this person so angry? I don't know, and neither do you. But they have chosen to let you know (via the internet) that you are totally wrong and even go so far as to attack your character. All of this is done virtually yet they somehow have managed to get your blood to boil. It's pretty remarkable actually.

Unfortunately, Debbie got caught in the crossfire of one of these atrocities. I'm sorry Debbie, I have been there, and it is an awful place to be.

Debbie and I chose to mock the situation. We created the ultimate Facbook argument.

My friend Jess suggested that I document this masterpiece on my blog. I think she is a genius. 

 Here it is for your viewing pleasure:

It's time to ask yourselves, my friends, what are you so angry about? What are you trying to gain from calling someone out over the internet? Did you have a bad day at work? Are you upset because you're constipated? Not getting laid much? Overworked? Tired? Erectile disfunction?

Whatever the case may be, learn to deal with your issues, and please stop taking them out on innocent people over the internet. 

If you or someone you love has been a victim of a Facebook argument, please comment below. 

Hello Jessica Alba! I Love Your Diapers!

I was futzing around on Facebook the other day, when I noticed that my friend Claire liked "The Honest Company." I thought to myself, I wonder what that is. It turns out that The Honest Company is an organic baby and house product company.

Then I noticed that they had a free trial! So I sent away for the diaper bundle trial and the essentials trial. I just paid shipping (it was like five bucks or so) and I got a lovely surprise in the mail. Check it out:

<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/S0Ufjh22B30?fs=1" width="480"></iframe>

So far, I've tried the diapers and they're awesome. Thank you Jessica Alba! I'll report back on the household supplies and toiletries.

A Thrown Out Coffee Turns into a 5th Grade Opera

I rushed to school to make it to my sub job. It was my first day at this particular school, and I didn't want to be late. I hurriedly dropped Ari off at Pre-K and headed to the main office of the school where I would be subbing.

I realized, when I got to the office, that I hadn't brought my sub license. The secretary was nice enough to let me print my license off of my gmail on her computer.

Unfortunately, the Assistant Principal walked in as I was behind the secretary's desk and whispered to the secretary:
"What's going on here?"
"Oh she's just printing her license."
The A.P. nodded skeptically.

"The day starts at 8:00 so hurry up and punch in." The secretary urged me. It was 8:10. Uh oh.
"You know what, I'll punch you in, don't worry about it." She said with a wink.

I grabbed my coffee that I had hurriedly bought from the bodega on the corner while running to school, and headed to the auditorium with my schedule. I peered at the white paper which listed eight different classes I'd be covering that day.

All at once, the A.P approached me. She shook her head and pointed to the coffee:
"The coffee." She said plainly.
"Oh, okay. " I said totally flustered. "I'll throw it out." I had only drank 1/4 of this terrible deli coffee, but it wasn't nearly enough to fuel me for the day I had in front of me. I despondently tossed my 75 percent full cup of mediocre coffee into the garbage can.

It was clear to me that I had to redeem myself to the A.P. Coming in late, bringing in a coveted beverage. She clearly hated my guts, or at least thought I was some sort of entitled flake.
We got to talking, and I told her that I was potentially interested in doing a theatrical production with 5th graders. Her eyes lit up.
"That sounds great!" She beamed. "We'd really like to make this an arts school."
I told her about my subbing history at other schools around Brooklyn.
"I know this is kind of a weird question, but I'm really into astrology, what sign are you." I asked.
"Oh! I'm a libra." She said without hesitation.
"Me too!" I all but exclaimed.
We giggled.
She asked me about my chai tattoo, she showed me the tiny tattoo on her hand.
She told me about her teaching history, how she had taught and moved her way up to eventually become the A.P. I was impressed. I forgave her for making me throw out my coffee.
"You know who you might talk to about theater projects?" She said raising an eyebrow. "The dance teacher here."
"Oh okay. That sounds great."

It was my prep next, so I took the opportunity to find the dance teacher. All of a sudden a vision struck me. I knew what I could do here. And I began to speak to the dance teacher with total and utter confidence about it.
"When I was in the 5th grade at P.S.87," I began "We created an original opera. Everyone in our class had a role. There were carpenters/set builders, actors, writers and public relations people. The Metropolitan Opera came in and helped us create this piece. I think I could do that here. I have an extensive theater background, and with your help, I think we could create this piece."
"That sounds awesome!" She said. Just then the music teacher entered her room.
"Hey, listen to this." She said nudging the music teacher in the arm.
I re-told my idea. She, too was excited. Both they were both nervous.
"How would we fit it into the curriculum?" Asked the music teacher. "We have a set curriculum that we're doing now."
"Well, as long as it doesn't interfere, " said the dance teacher "I don't see why not! You should ask the principal!" She said. "She wants to make this school an arts school."
"I'm afraid," I said "She's the principal."
"No, no. Don't be afraid," urged the dance teacher "She'll eat it up."
"Is there a particular class that might be interested in doing this?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, there is." Said the dance teacher.

The dance teacher told me about a 4th and 5th grade gifted and talented class that she said would love to engage in this project. I walked up the stairs to this teacher's room. When I told her the idea, her eyes lit up.
"This sounds great! We could arrange a trip for the kids to see the opera!"

I was on a high. I decided it was time to visit the principal.
I walked into the office, miraculously I was ushered into the principals office. The principal was joined by the arts enrichment coordinator. They looked at me and waited for me to speak.
"I have an idea.." I began, and I told her about the opera. Her face stayed stoic.
She began to speak:
"It sounds great." She said. "But you'd have to open it up to all the 5th graders, we don't want to favor a certain class."
"That's great," I began, "But I can only handle about 15 kids."
"The first 15 that sign up are yours."

We determined the at the best time to do this would be after school. That way it wouldn't interfere with academics.

"You know, this is wonderful," The principal said "We're looking to hire a theater teacher next year."
"I was hoping that could be me." I said with confidence. After I said it, I blushed. I couldn't believe how blunt I had just been.
The principal turned to her enrichment coordinator and said "I'm not mad at her."
"I'm sorry to be so brazen." I said.
"No." Said the principal. "I like brazen. You're straightforward."

That's the story of how I turned a thrown out coffee into an opera.

Excuse me, I have a sign up sheet to make.

RIF - Reading is Fundamental Loses Funding

I went to the library today with Samara. When we got there I got some really sad news. Our library branch no longer has the Reading is Fundamental program. Apparently, a decision was made that our branch didn't need the RIF program. We didn't use it enough.

I am so very disappointed that this program is no longer at our library. My children looked forward to receiving their free books every third time they checked into RIF. Now they can't do that anymore.

We need to take a stand. Watch this video to learn what you can do:



Go to www.rif.org/advocate to learn more.

Click here if you don't feel like cutting and pasting.