5

Dear Ari,

You are five years-old. I can remember the moment I found I was pregnant with you. I was in disbelief, yet wildly happy and excited. When I was pregnant with you, I was working as a vocational rehabilitation counselor with recovering addicts in the Far Rockaway. I remember you moving in my belly at night every time I ate Hostess cupcakes.

I remember when my water broke and the hospital told me I peed on myself. I remember when my flamboyantly gay doctor marched in carrying a red bull and said "Let's have a baby!"

I remember when you came out of me and I held you and said "My baby! I love you so much!"

I remember making the tough decision to quit my job working with ex-addicts and stay home with you for your first year. It was the best decision I've ever made.

I have loved you since you were growing inside of me and continue to love you as a little person. You have grown so much in your first five years of life. You are inquisitive, bright, stubborn, funny, fun to hang out with, and changing and growing every day.

It's wonderful to watch you grow in front of my eyes, and also scary. 

I want to freeze time. 

I want you to stay five forever. I love you at this age. You're so much fun!

But I know that you're going to get older, it's inevitable. That just means there's more to learn about you as you become a bigger human. 

Happy five to you, my son. I love you.