The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done to Date

I have stayed home with my son for exactly one year now. I just recently re-entered the work force as a substitute teacher for the New York City Department of Education. And let me tell you, after not working for one year, it is tough to go back to work.

Don't get me wrong, having and caring for a child is a job unto itself; however, reporting to a place of work on a given day at a set time is work in an entirely different way from being a mom. Plus, when I return from said job to my home, I have to do my other job, mom. It's really hard.

When I am working at my "real job" I can focus on what I am doing. I'm not thinking about my son, because I know either my parents or my boyfriend is taking care of him. But its when I get home and I haven't seen my son all day, that I begin to feel sad and resentful of the "real job" from taking me away from my son.

Its a tough dilemna. I need to make money to pay rent and my bills, however, I don't want to miss out on watching my son grow and change on a daily basis.

However, I do appreciate that my parents are the primary babysitters for my dear little boy. Though he is not with me when I am working, he gets to spend time with his grandparents.