Saturday, October 9, 2010

Feeling Isolated

When I became a mother, my life changed dramatically. My whole focus was on this new baby in front of me. As Ari has gotten older, I've found it harder and harder to maintain the friendships I had when I was without child.

I see my friends, but it's not on a regular basis. It feels very random and scattered. On the weekends I like to spend time with Wil because those are his only days off. My free time to hang out with friends is during the week. But, most people are working during the week and are unavailable to hang out.

Also, if I manage to score a hang out session with a single friend, Ari is there and demands the majority of the attention. It's difficult to finish a conversation when my child is making random tribal noises.

My friends who have kids also have complicated schedules, some of them are working, some of them are involved in paid classes that they take their kids to, i.e. sing-a-longs, tumbling, dancing on the ceiling. I don't know, whatever it is they do.

The point is, I end up feeling lonely a lot of the time. I love spending time with Ari, taking him to the playground, drawing and painting, teaching him new things, but I need adult interaction too. I'm having a really hard time figuring out a balance here.

Are there any of you parents out there who feel the same way? How do you balance hanging out with your kids/family with spending time with friends?


  1. Absolutely feel the same way. It's hard to balance it all and unfortunately you can grow out of old friendships especially with single/childless friends

  2. Amanda- I'm so glad you understand! It's really hard to maintain friendships when you have kids.

  3. When I was younger I used to wonder why my mom didn't have many friends. I thought if she had friends it would make it a lot easier for me to get away with things. Now I understand. Every now and then my friends and I have family night. We all bring our kids and let them burn as much energy as possible, then we put a movie in for them and after they all pass out on the couch, floor, or toy box we get to have our adult time. It makes for a late night but sometimes it is worth it to get your dose of the real world.

  4. MentalMom- You know what the problem is? I don't have enough friends with kids that are free at the same time as I am to do that. But that evening sounds wonderful. May I could ask Cordy and the girls, actually.

  5. YES OMG I have no friends. :P I'm trying to get a job actually because I really need it and I need to get away from my kids!! :P But of course I worry the whole time too. Damn, I'm too invested in them! Must be cuz they are expensive. LOL!! Just kidding!!

  6. Hey Sarah,
    I completely agree - motherhood can be very lonely. I especially felt it when I was pregnant. I was just lamenting to Morgan how I can't have a complete conversation even with my "mom friends" because I'm constantly watching Pearl to make sure she's not poking someone else's child! I don't really have a solution for you, but wanted to let you know that you may be lonely, but you are not alone! :)

  7. Cordy - so glad you understand! And ha ha yes! Kids are expensive!

    Jill - Maybe being pregnant is a part of it. I do feel very emotional. Thank you. It helps to know I am not alone. ;)

  8. Staying in touch with friends when you have kids is difficult and meeting up with friends when the kids are around does not even count as a real visit in my books because I always feel like I cannot give my friend(s) my full attention.
    I get together with 4 of my girlfriends one Saturday evening a month. It is our craft night. We have dinner together, make stuff and talk. I look forward to it every month.


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