Friday, March 16, 2012

Stream of Consciousness on a Friday

Don’t put that in your mouth! I want to do something important. I want to be successful. I need to make my mark on the world. Clean that water up right now! Water is for the bathtub. Why did you spill that on the floor? I owe $125 to Hunter College and $40 to Long Island University. I’m never going to get into school if I don’t pay them. Share with your sister! My neck hurts. I haven’t eaten lunch. Nothing in the fridge is appealing. Samara, give me my phone! Take it out of your mouth. You can’t have that coffee! What was I thinking about? Ari? Ari? Where are you? You need help wiping? Hold on a second! Oh my G-d! Samara fell down! She’s crying. Is that blood? Oh my G-d, is that blood? Where’s it coming from?! Let me smell it. Oh, thank G-d it’s coffee. I’m going to have a nervous breakdown. Where will they send me? Will my friends visit me if I live in a mental institution? Ari, I’m coming! Okay, you want to watch something? How about Blue’s Clues? No? How about Max and Ruby?

Okay…okay phew! Samara? You want milk? Okay. I’m okay. You’re okay, everybody’s okay. I want to be on a beach. I want to fall asleep on the beach and let the sun soak into my skin and warm me, like a baby. I want to be in the sun’s womb. I want to be incubated by the sun. I’m a mess. I can smell myself. I need a shower and maybe another tattoo. I think my neck tattoo is fading. I haven’t seen it in a year. I don’t know. I want to go to the movies. You look tired, Ari. Yes, we’re going to the playground, but only if you take a nap. You’re not tired? Well…I’m tired. Samara’s tired. She’s going to take a nap. Will you just lay down? Please…please…please…I want to sleep. Why don’t you?

Okay, if you’re not going to sleep then just go on the bed and play with your toys. If I sleep, I’ll be able to dream. Maybe…I don’t want to think right now. But I do want a cookie. I’m going to lay down now. Oh, now you want to lay down? No, you can’t jump on the bed, the bed is for sleeping in. It's going to break if you jump on it remember? It’s almost broken. My brain is broken. If I sleep it will merge back together, and I’ll feel more like a human. Yes? Okay, I’ll hold you. Yes, I’ll scratch your back. Ari? Are you asleep? Yes! Time to check my email!

©2012 Sarah Fader Stealing hurts your soul.


  1. thats why you should get mom of the year award every year!!

  2. That makes me scared to have a second baby!..Lol... You're a great mom Sarah! :)


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